5/23 laugh

[pcgrantham]

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

[Vinny Vincenzo]

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game with their habits partially blocking the view, three men decided to badger the nuns. In an effort to get them to move, one of the men said in a very loud voice, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns there."
The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."
The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns there."
One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns there."