How to Prepare for the Ski Season

andyzee · Post by **andyzee** » Apr 21st, '05, 11:43

OK, expecting a lot of wise ass remarks from all you "experts", but I thought this was funny.

How to Prepare for the Ski Season

Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.

For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and your following an 18 wheeler.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pause button and let the spray blast in your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker.

Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday

wanderer7453 · Post by **wanderer7453** » Apr 21st, '05, 11:47

That sounds like very appropriate training to me.

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Apr 21st, '05, 11:52

wow... Usually I don't see that 10 year old, recycled joke until November...

Post by **spanky** » Apr 21st, '05, 11:55

DMC wrote:wow... Usually I don't see that 10 year old, recycled joke until November...

Couldn't have said it better myself.

snowsprite · Post by **snowsprite** » Apr 21st, '05, 13:46

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

pizzamoose · Post by **pizzamoose** » Apr 21st, '05, 13:47

snowsprite wrote:I don't normally like to share, but you guys need it far more than I do:

Sprite

save me the trouble of looking it up - what is that and what does it do?

RossiSkier · Post by **RossiSkier** » Apr 21st, '05, 13:49

Are those the $50 hard-on pills I see Rafael Palmero advertising during baseball games?

snowsprite · Post by **snowsprite** » Apr 21st, '05, 13:55

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Apr 21st, '05, 13:57

snowsprite wrote:It makes cranky people very happy.

Sprite

Got any pills that make people stop recycling the same old stupid joke?

I'm FAAAAR from cranky... I'm going camping and snowboarding this weekend!

wanderer7453 · Post by **wanderer7453** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:00

It was th efirst time I heard it. I am not cranky but the pills look like fun!

snowsprite · Post by **snowsprite** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:04

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:06

snowsprite wrote:
DMC wrote: Got any pills that make people stop recycling the same old stupid joke?
Well if that's a real problem I hear this prevents you from becoming annoyed anymore:
Sprite

HA! No drug in the world would keep Andy Zzzzzzzzzzzz from annoying me...

Geoff · Post by **Geoff** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:08

DMC wrote:wow... Usually I don't see that 10 year old, recycled joke until November...

Yeah. If you search the Usenet archives for rec.skiing.alpine, that one has to be at least 10 years old.

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:11

Geoff wrote:
DMC wrote:wow... Usually I don't see that 10 year old, recycled joke until November...
Yeah. If you search the Usenet archives for rec.skiing.alpine, that one has to be at least 10 years old.

And besides it's stupid..
Maybe it was funny the first two time I went skiing..

But now I pack food, get season passes and dress really warm with far less clothes and travel to sking as soon as I hear it's going to dump.....

andyzee · Post by **andyzee** » Apr 21st, '05, 14:14

Shame everyone can't be a big expert like the mighty DMC